something like a painful memory
by Okuyukashii
Summary: AU—SasuSaku—oneshot—he stood, gun in hand, and tried to forget faerie dust smiles and the pink-haired girl who was always there from the start.


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[_something like a painful memory_]

_**O**_kuyukashii

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**Written for Vesper chan****'****s contest.**

**This was my new obsession, Angels by Within Temptation. I had this style in mind, which just screamed SasuSaku. I wrote this in a span of about four days, which is unusually fast. **

**I don't own the song Angels or Naruto.**

_._

_._

_._

_Sparkling angel, I believe  
You were my savior in my time of need._

.

a pink-haired girl dug through the grass with delicate (_weak_) hands as if searching for lost treasures (that don't really exist, but she knows _that_).

when a foot appeared as if by magic in front of her, she stared and slowly—

(like fear of seeing the monster's face, but this was no nightmare, and _she wasn't sleeping_)

—looked upwards.

she seemed almost surprised to find a disgruntled-looking boy in front of her.

'what are you doing.'

and the girl smiled (something the boy secretly looked like faerie dust, but faeries weren't real and he knew _that_).

'hi, i'm sakura and i'm eight years old. do you want to look for four-leaf clovers with me?'

so the little boy knelt down (_don't get your new shorts dirty, okay?_) and started searching, because even though the girl (_sakura_) was a little strange, she had answered his question with a satisfactory reply.

(he'd always been something like lonely anyways.)

somewhere along the way, after sakura fell in the grass and before _he_ arrived home to be reprimanded by a scolding mother, sakura found out that _he_ was called sasuke. she rolled the name over and over on her tongue before she decided that, yes, she liked the name very much.

(_hey, your face is the colour of my hair!_)

'will i ever see you again?' the little (_but not naïve_) girl asked, because she knew perfectly well of good things that came and left, never to be seen again, like—

'yes.'

sasuke told her of all the beautiful things in the world (_his backyard_), of the way the sunset looked through the copse, of the way home-grown tomatoes tasted clean and raw.

'show them to me, kay?'

'promise i will,' and he entwined his pinky with sakura's and she looked happy (_like little girls should be_).

she didn't even mind that she couldn't find the little bit of false luck she'd been searching for.

.

_Blinded by faith, I couldn't hear  
All the whispers, the warnings so clear._

.

on the way home, sakura's mind was filled with thoughts of the enigmatic little boy who had stepped into her life like an angel's gift (until she remembered not to think about angels anymore).

she didn't know that sasuke, leaving a while before she had, had walked this same path.

(_don't trust him, that Uchiha_  
_hired murderer's, the lot of them_  
_...revolt?_  
_heartbreakers..._)

arriving at her home (_housenothomehousenothome_), she skipped up the steps with a lightness she didn't know she had and landed on her bed softly. she spoke to the stuffed animals in her empty home about how she met a pretty boy today, and how he would take her away from here and she'd be free.

of course, like the way she knew real life worked (_not like the fairy tales mama used to read_), she arrived at a cozy old house (_home_?) with a _sold_ sign planted in the front yard.

she snuck into the back and tried to enjoy the sunset—

(_red sky at night_—_sailor's delight_)

—by herself and told herself it was the same, abandoning thoughts of the boy she thought she might have imagined.

.

_I see the angels,  
I'll lead them to your door.  
There's no escape now,  
No mercy, no more.  
No remorse, 'cause I still remember|  
The smile when you tore me apart._

.

when she bumped into a handsome boy around thirteen (her age), she did a double take and stared at the boy who didn't smile anymore.

'sasuke?'

he, on the other hand, turned and glared at the slip of a girl who dared disturb his thoughts. no recognition passed through his eyes, but she expected that.

'maybe i did imagine you.'

it was those words that clued him in. the strange little girl from his past somehow caught up with him, and his stance turned awkward, like he didn't know what to do (_but he's an uchiha, and they always know_—_**everything**_).

'you knew you were going to move, didn't you.' and it wasn't a question, because though sakura doesn't know _uchiha_, she knows _him_ and that's enough.

'yes.' he didn't tell her that he was only visiting his favourite childhood park one last time, because he thought she already knew.

'why didn't you tell me? why did you keep leading me on?'

'normal, only—wanted to be normal.'

he gasped, though nothing blocked his airways. the memories of a forceful father and even colder brother dragging him city to city came to mind.

(_but whoever said she was normal, anyway?_)

'for my mom,' she suddenly stated, but he wasn't surprised because nothing shocked him anymore. 'she always wanted one, but she said her luck was bad. i meant to put it on her grave...'

(_the four leaf clover, said to bring luck to whoever finds it._  
_but what if life deals them a bad hand and they lose anyway?_)

sasuke watched as sakura stared into nothing. he apologized (_not out loud, never aloud_) because she lost someone too. she understood.

(_a sweet, caring mother always armed with patterned band-aids and freshly-baked cookies._)

for sakura, the memory of her mother was always followed by memories of _that man_ pulling her from one city to another.

he promised again and though his smile was gone, his eyes still had something.

she was cynical now, but that stupid thing called hope still ruled her sometimes.

.

_You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams,  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize  
It was all just a lie._

.

they finally met each other again in yet another district, and she forgave him too fast.

she looked at him, older, smarter, and most importantly, purged of all naivety (_that's what happens when little girls see things people were never meant to see_).

he looked through her.

(_bored, stoic, and emotionless, __but that's what someone looks like after they break_).

both of them seventeen, neither of them was the child they once were. no more little girls (with thoughts too mature for their age) and no more little boys (just wishing for a _change_).

sakura didn't know what she thought would happen after the long silence, but it wasn't sasuke walking up to her and clutching at her shoulders and digging his face into her neck.

'you know,' he sortofbutnotreally laughs, 'you're the only one left. they're gone now. dad and 'tachi finally gone.'

that was the catalyst. sakura wrapped her arms around him, not knowing how to comfort the person who had always been stronger in her mind.

so she leaned in, not minding the bumped noses and too desperate lips, and gave her first kiss to the boy she could grow to love. he responded frantically, acting the very paragon of the man she hoped for. no one mentioned tomorrow (_because tomorrow never comes, right?_)

she took him to her house and limbs fumbled in a sickly imitation of passion and the spark ended almost before it began.

when it was over, moonlight crept in, and he looked at the face that was pretty (_gorgeous_) and too pale (like a picture taken with a too-high exposure).

when he slept, she opened her eyes and stared.

.

_Sparkling angel, I couldn't see  
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me._

.

she wasn't looking for an answer when she asked, 'do you like me?'

sasuke opened his mouth to feed her more lies, but he told her instead,

'no. i was going to kill you.'

(_assassins, do you know what that means, girl? targets important people, kills them, that's what. but don't worry, you'll never be important enough._)

something stopped him from stuttering out something along the lines of, 'that came out wrong', because that would just be more untruths, and he was done lying (to her).

for once in her life, sakura did the logical thing. she ran.

she left behind the shell of what was once an innocent little boy, staring at her quickly disappearing back.

but he was thinking of faeries and smiles.

.

_Fallen angel, tell me why?  
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?_

.

the next time they saw each other, they were older still (_with something like wisdom in their twenty-one year-old eyes_).

'why?'

she meant to scream it, but it came out more like a strangled whisper and it took him a moment to understand.

when he started shaking, sakura didn't move, didn't try.

'i was alone! they ignored me and told me not to mourn my mother, but when they were gone, i still cried. and i didn't want to, not for them.' sasuke took a breath (but always wishes he didn't).

'so i went to _him_. _he_ made me stronger, offered me power. i never want to be attached to someone again.'

finally brave enough, he looked her in the eye.

sakura had calmed. 'did you get what you wanted?'

(_to find out who the killer was, fight them, and die? what about regrets?_)

'i will.'

'do you know what you want?'

'shut up!'

his orders were to kill her, and he would. for power. (_lieslies_, never intended _never ever_ innocent little girls with twinkling bells for laughter _every single one a lie_)

'your father—'

'_father_?' and she almost laughed.

'your real one, not the tutelary your mother had been against from the start,' he sneered.

(_the one who made her tag along while he enjoyed life with money that wasn't his_)

sasuke told her while she stood on trembling legs, how her dad had been the owner of a very successful (_times a billion dollars and even more lies_) weapons company.

and something broke.

he left her calmer than he came and she blinked the rest of her foolishness away (_tried to_).

.

_I see the angels,  
I'll lead them to your door  
There's no escape now  
No mercy, no more.  
No remorse cause I still remember  
The smile when you tore me apart._

.

'why do you still come?'

even after the last confrontation, sakura still visited where she knew he lived. he never stayed in one place too long, and so he could never understand how, every few weeks, he would open his door to find a pink-haired woman patiently waiting outside.

he always asked the same question.

'how do you find me?'

sakura used to try to explain how she just knew, like something leading her to his door. she stopped when she realized the futility of the action and only smiled in response.

(it was the same thing that let sasuke know sakura was there without her knocking. she never knocked.)

it didn't matter, as long as she found him, as long as he opened the door and they ended up on his doorstep facing each other silently.

(_i can't be like the princes in your stories, you know._  
_i know._  
_i can't hold your hand or __cosset you or love you like you want._  
_what do you know about what i want?_)

for a while, she would seek him out and indulged in her strength. he let her in, ignoring the voice telling him she was his one weakness.

.

_You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams,  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize  
It was all just a lie._

.

the dreams worsened and he caved to the demands, forcing sakura out the very last time she arrived.

sasuke told her he never wanted to see her again.

'the next time i see you, you will die.'

(_is that a threat or a_—)

she walked away at a sedate pace. it was his goal, right?

(_wasn't it?_)

before he was out of earshot, she asked, 'do you know what i've gone through?'

and he stopped, still as a statue. he didn't know, because he never asked her.

she thought about all the things he said when she was at home (_finally free from that man_) and laughed at the situational ironies life throws at people, staring at the scars on herself from someone else who wanted her life.

her laughter floated out the window like smoke drifting to higher altitudes, reaching for something more and disappearing along the way.

.

_Could have been forever,  
Now we have reached the end._

.

sasuke never thought she'd be crazy enough to come back, but he always knew she was a little less than sane.

he never knew the extent of it until the day he stumbled into an old, familiar park and came face to face with a pink-haired woman.

(_once upon a time we lived in this park, just for a little while, before life had the chance to kill us_.)

'leave.' he'd count it as an accident, wouldn't reach into his jacket and pull out the gun to end it—

she didn't move.

'i told you to get away.'

'you wanted this, right?' her mouth lifted at the corners.

he knew she was a free spirit, but never wanted to be the one to cut her loose. (_always lying, aren't we?_)

'i did.'

(_not anymore and i don't know why._)

past tense, but they pretended not to realize that.

(_sticks and stones may break my bones_  
_but guns put you six feet below_)

against his will, he thought '_sakura_' and—

(_only heir_  
_long-lost daughter_  
_abandoned_  
_useless_  
_next target_—)

_**sakura**_.

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_This world may have failed you,  
It doesn't give you reason why.  
You could have chosen a different path in life.  
The smile when you tore me apart._

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he (_boyturnedman_) looked her in the eye, looking for hesitations or regrets, but he could only find it in his own eyes reflecting from hers.

the cackling voice implanted in his mind raised his gun for him—

(_don't_—)

—and he found himself unable to stop when his finger tightened on the trigger, emotions whirling around him for a moment.

the string snapped, a bullet flew (_won'tmisswon'tmisswon'tmiss_), and the girl collapsed.

(had there been any bystanders, they might have pointed out that neither one of the two broke eye contact throughout).

he saw a faerie dust smile shatter in his mind, but it disappeared as fast as sakura's heartbeat when the bullet hit her chest.

.

_You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams,  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize  
It was all just a lie._

.

fate directed a film whose ending scene featured a dark figure (_reminding himself to breathe_) still pointing his gun at a pale corpse too pretty to be dead.

then the rain came, its sound a music box playing shattering hearts and hopes tearing apart at the seams.

_._

_Could have been forever,  
Now we have reached __**the end**__._

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**Review please.**

**I keep getting reviews telling me that I made the reader cry -.- I'll take that as a compliment.**

**Thanks to Vskrainaek for the best review I've ever gotten so far. :)**


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